Relationships

The world of the single person today is both an exciting and a scary one. Maybe you're living in a Toronto condo and seem to see available singles everywhere. Or you've just moved to Port Credit real estate out of school and know no one. Some of us are born with inherent qualities that make being single easy; some people don't require the companionship, others can use good looks or a charming personality trait for guaranteed superficial encounters and others just lack those emotions.

For the rest of us, though, there seems to be a certain drive to find not just someone to be with in the moment, but someone who we would like to spend a lot of time with. The trick comes in deciphering exactly when this happens. How can you tell the point where a night's companion - a date - turns into a significant other, a relationship? Here are some thoughts.

You aren't really seeing someone else, and aren't really interested. And neither is the other person.

That person is constantly on your mind, whether you're in the middle of doing Cantonese-English translations at work or getting a chemical peel, and somehow it comes up that the same is true of him or her.

You have had more than one date in a week, for a few weeks in a row, with the same person.

Your conversations have suddenly become deeper; in fact, it is to the point where you no longer need a distraction such as a movie or food to fill in the time. This doesn't have to mean that you're discussing Yorkville condos and organic diapers. Anything beyond small talk is a step in the right direction.

Determining whether or not you are at that point with the person you have been seeing can actually be terrifying. The fact is that by the time you realize that you might be in a relationship, your heart and your ego is already on the line and you need the feeling to be mutual. Never just assume, though; at some point one of you is going to have to come right out and ask. If it turns out that the other person does not feel the same way that you do, don't quash the whole thing right away, they might just need time. On the other hand, you might want to withdraw a little bit so you don't have as much to lose.

Now, if it turns out the person you are dating feels the same way, you are on your way to a whole new level, as far as romance goes; at this point, you are in a relationship. While relationships can be a lot more fun than dating, they are also a lot more work, (just as owning that Brampton real estate is different than renting) and the deeper the relationship gets, the more work both parties have to put into it.

Just what do we mean by a lot more work? Well, first of all, in a relationship you can't have a fight and walk away without a thought. You have already crossed some weird kind of line, and that means that you are invested. When you are dating and something about the other person bothers you, you don't have to bring it up and they don't have to change it. In a relationship, on the other hand, you want things to work out and these are the kind of things you end up talking about. It can be hurtful but it does not have to be. After all, you don't want that wedding band to turn into a scrap gold ring you're getting rid of someday!

Being in a relationship also means that both parties have certain boundaries that they expect the other to keep. It is best to get these boundaries out in the open right away; if your idea of a relationship is exclusive dating, you need to communicate that. It's not the case for everyone!

Going from a dating phase into a relationship means a bit more security for both parties, but it also involves more risk and more work. Respect throughout is the key to any relationship, whether it runs the long term or ends.